I Want to Burn My Past

My “higher” self is really wrecking havoc on me today. A part of me wants to burn everything associated with my past and only look forward. This has nothing to do with my family. It’s all my regrets of past decisions affecting me in the present.

I was sitting in my storage unit today where a leak in the ceiling had rotted a few of my old boxes of stuff and mildew is beginning the decomposing process. It affected some of my junk. As I started to sort through some of it, my past came back to haunt me. Things that I’d rather not remember. I had to step out, take a break and clear my head. The day is coming where I am going to toss a lot more.

For now, I’m back home, rested and just cooling off. Maybe I need to start writing more, and reconnect in like fashion.

The Affinities that Plague Me

Wish I knew myself better than I do; I have no clue why I have so much affinity for certain things but it’s more of a curse than a blessing sometimes and it feels maddening because there is nothing that easily enables me to connect the dots, like tonight! 99% of the people I have shared my thoughts with cannot interpret or decipher much of what I feel, see, or have experienced. But certain things/triggers/moments make me feel an undeniable connection that brings comfort; such as dancers in any sort of ceremony that I’ve been invited to… Sometimes, all I can tolerate is the wind and being by myself out in the middle of nowhere. It spells temporary relief. I’m going to sleep and will continue this long journey when the sun comes back up in the AM. lmao.

Such is, the journey of life for me. It is good but bittersweet.

Fresh from the Transfer

Mind Opening Portal
exploring the possibilities
as infinite as they have become
as soon as I had broken the windows
of everything I knew.

Then, as if divinity stepped in,
there he was with all the
beauty that he brought with him
to give to his chosen
unconditionally.

Sentient spirits came from
out of the thundering abyss
from the deep billows of the storm
and down below
all was calm and mesmerizing.

Somewhere out of this chaos
came a powerful peace that predates
our time and place
that came into our space
and brought us together.

It’s quite extraordinary,
this unknown scheme
that is more natural and mystic
than earth-made systems
And into this unknown we venture.

by Nathan Cowlishaw