Archives for October 2005

Edge of Silence

Little painted creatures crawl down dark canyon walls. The creek is trickling. Crickets hum. The tower of stars ignite. Deep twinkling universe erases time, and fills empty space with the ages. Long ago, little people came here, passed through here, and their spirit remains. Images dance across the stone panels. The visions are possessive, intoxicating. At night, during sleep paranormal entities speak of long ago. I dream of a Pinion skeleton against hard turquoise sky…

…I think of a lone coyote shrouded by night, cut off from the pack. I’m glaring into the campfire, thinking that he may come into camp, not fearing me. Stranger things have happened in old ghost towns, or in the darkness of faltering mines. Yes, I used to go down mine shafts, bringing an Eastwing pick, a hard hat, and a black fluorescent lamp to look at minerals. I stopped exploring them when I returned to the old Ohio Mine, above Minersville to see it had caved in. Being up in the mountain, having bears come into camp while the fire is stoked, I have learned that everything happens in the boonies. Being on the high desert, my imagination can run rampant, but I still get some shut-eye.

I feel more and more like a hermit. It is tuning me, and the sound is clearer then ever. It is just a matter of deciding what’s worth leaving, and what’s worth keeping in this world of unknown things. One day, you’ll see my car blazing down dirt roads. But the next, I’ll be a ghost in the wild. I’m finding the eternal peace of isolation, desolation, and solitude. The desert has invaded my life, and my imagination. I walk in beautiful plateau and basin valleys, and mountain ranges.

Sudden Changes

It felt like summer again, here in Saint George. Last night it was real mild. I’m heading north this weekend to spend some time with my grandparents. Last night I drove west of Saint George, into Nevada again, just to go see some Joshua Trees out there. Man is it an amazing lost world. There is so much beauty, The highway cuts through the desert, but it still feels primordials.

At home last night, I did some writing on my computer, and ate Pinion Nuts while enjoying the late night warmth. It is the middle of October and feels like May. I’m pondering my life here in Saint George, and I don’t know where I will be a year from now? My destiny is unforeseen which worries me. There are times that I’ve felt uncertain about my future, but right now it remains largely unknown. I have no plans or goals to follow. My life seems correct at the moment, but could I adapt to sudden changes? If things were to morph, how would I adjust? I need to develop a plan of survival in case terrible events come to pass. Natural disasters are increasing. The intensity is startling.

Almost certainly, I can feel the head winds of a dark storm creeping into my reality, and into the reality of others in the Southwest. Things are not always going to be pleasant. The wilderness is a real escape from the world. Every journey digs deeper into my soul. No matter what happens, I am feeling safe and content. If things change, I need to be there for my family, to help them and protect them. They are all I have in this temporal world. But the desert seems to purify my worries and it may preserve me. There are places out there, where nobody ever goes, that I can find peace. Hopefully my loved ones can find peace in the wilderness, if things came crashing down.

Walls of Existence

When I speak of tearing down the walls of existence, I mean in a peaceful and non-violent way. An individual can also tear down the walls of their own Existence. On the large scale, I want to change the culture that surrounds me; either that, or abandon it entirely. I believe what Ghandi said, that no conflict could be justified, even if it was for a good cause. So my passionate cause would have to be a peaceful revolution. I just don’t understand why some have the desire to inflict harm on others? And how some countries have an arrogant desire to wage unjustifiable warfare. I’ve noticed this desire in youngsters, when watching them kill fake people in combat video games. The phenomenon of humans killing humans on an international level is not a good thing. Islamic terrorists see the world through tiny keyholes, as much as any mainstream American.

So how can society ever change its approach towards the Earth, or any other living thing, when humans cannot even change the way they treat other humans?

I respect the Environment. I love the Earth. I also have a deep respect for the food I devour. As a carnivore, I love meat. When I pass away, I hope some animal will have me as a hardy meal.

Now back to tearing down the walls of existence. Here’s what it means on an individual basis. People need to change what is all too familiar about themselves. Tear down the walls of your own mindset, of your own viewpoint. Break the windows of everything you know. You can learn other worldviews and perspectives when you do this. You can learn to combat your own prejudices!

My father told me that he doesn’t trust those that claim to know everything. I believe in his proclamation: the more I learn, the less I know. ..and the more I discover, the evermore perplexed and moved by life I am.

I’ve heard that everything is happening, because we live in a world of suffering. I’m not entirely convinced of that.