Sometimes, I feel caught up in a doomed system, or that I am about to fail myself. But when I see beautiful rock formations and the nimble clouds as they pass through the heavens, I am reminded that life is so beautiful; that to keep going is the ultimate goal.
Now I just need to vent, maybe even in an abstract way. That is what this journal is for…
The sky is deep black, and I am seeing the infrared trees. I am crossing the wasteland that stretches farther then the eye can see. The desert shrubs and creosote speak sleepless dreams. I am reminded of beauty, over and over again. There is nothing more intoxicating then the sweet colors of the desert, especially within the Arizona Strip, venturing up through the Kiabab Plateau, or going along the foot of Mount Trumbell, near the Toroweap overlook of the Grand Canyon. Or venturing across the Sugraro strewn landscapes of Southern Arizona. While passing through emptiness, through the space of endless valleys, I cannot seem to figure out where I truly belong? There is this traveler inside, this neo-nomad that wants to keep drifting through the foot hills and the deep landscapes of the wild. The earth shadows are strong, and powerful.
In the cities and towns, new agers (nuagers) exploit the most sacred things, and as I sit here in Flagstaff or go to visit Sedona, the business and cultural exploitation just makes me sick. There is everything wrong with this New Age Movement, from the disrespectful selling of Native ceremonies, to the selling of books on NDN Spirituality, by spoofs, frauds, and Plastic Shamans. I see their exploitations of other cultures, and I wish there was something I could do to stop it. But our system allows them to exist. America is about money, and finding ways to exploit something to make a buck. This is what is wrong with Arizona culture.
The landscapes of this state are amazing. But these cities keep growing, and they grow too big commercially. I feel angered by certain things, and I have to say something about them. In all the while, I try to dwell upon the positive things in the world. Such as the sacred mountains above Flagstaff, or the deep wild gorges that surround this little city. The Ponderosas here are awesome, and dense.
So this is my perception at the moment. I won’t stop myselt from dwelling upon these things.My mind is a constant storm. Because, I simply don’t want to accept the things I am unable to change. If I could, I would find a quiet way to vanish from all the destruction that I see on this Earth. If I am a fool for talking about this, then albeit, I will say what is creeping through my conscience.
A Thanks goes to Annika. I thank her for the inspiration!