Archives for January 2005

Short of Crazy

Well, I left Southern Utah, and I didn’t think I could. I left those familiar surroundings behind. My family is back in Utah, and I have no relatives in Northern Arizona. It has finally become quiet in my life. What I become absent from, I grow fond of. But my patience is strong, and I love a new start. If the good old AZ becomes my home, then so be it.

My junk car cannot go off this mountain, because I’m afraid it wouldn’t make it back up. There is the desert below, that I want to see. There are things that I envision; simple things like clouds shadows passing over dark red mesas; whirl winds traveling across long empty landscapes. The desert is calling me, and it would drive me insane if I allowed it. But I am controlling the passion of wanting to be there physically. For now the landscape paints images in my head and in my dreams at night. I wake up in the morning, and look into the sky, as it comes through the window. I watch the nimble clouds traveling passed the square opening..

There is a nothingness that I crave; to simply hear the grind of my motor, and my wheels traversing down some isolated country road. I’d like to be fishing, with my shoes off, below a shady cottonwood. As the clouds slowly floated above, I’d listen to the muddy water flow restlessly, but gently.

My Second Week in Flagstaff

In Flagstaff, Arizona, I’ve been taking a Navajo History class at the college. Tonight I learned one of the original names for the San Francisco Peaks. The Navajo call them Dookoosliid, and yellow is their color. The peaks are sacred. Dookoosliid is the western boundry of Dinetah, the homeland of the Navajo People.

Tonight, radiant yellow clouds glistened above the San Francisco Peaks. They were yellow, and then dark orange. Soon, everything turned into a soft purple glow as the sun disappeared. I want to hear the wind whip and howl through the pines, through the darkness of these woods. This summer, violent thunderstorms will venture through. I find myself alone in this little apartment on the western fringe of Flagstaff, with the room mates gone. I realize how far from home I am, nearly three hundred miles from Cedar City, Utah!

Flagstaff is situated in the nation’s largest Ponderosa Forest, and it separates the outside world. Which is a good thing! On the horizon, there is nothing but pine steeples against blue sky. The peaks rise above, and they become an incredible panorama.

It’s been a joy to write in my journal. When feeling homesick, it is a place to ponder. But I learn to appreciate the beauty, and wonder of this world. Arizona is a nice little place, and I don’t get homesick too bad. In fact, it scares me that I don’t miss home. I miss my family though!

A Night in the Kiabab

The fire ignites the oily wood
cracking and echoing
into the forest.

Infinite candled stars
glitter in the black staircase
above the trees.

There are whispers
in the Quaking Aspen
in the dark grass.

Faraway from the settlements
A Great Horned Owl
sings in the tallest Ponderosa.

With every hoot
he becomes a shadow.
The ghost soon stops?

as I enter
into the darkness.
I hear the fire behind…

Eating the pitch,
snapping and casting
orange ribbons of light.

Deeper and deeper
my footsteps go
into the black labyrinth?

creating excitement
mystery, courage,
tears, and dreams.

This was long ago.
It is still here.
Forever it remains.