Archives for August 2003

First Day of Classes

Every time I return back to classes and college studies, I get this weird restless feeling inside. Kind of like I don’t want to be here, but I am sticking it out. If I had my way, I’d be traveling the Southwest, and doing my photography. I wouldn’t be stuck to this tiny campus, nor this town and its boundaries. There’s no soul in all of this. But like usual, I’ll keep on going.

It feels like everybody wants me to conform in certain ways, and the pressure is pushing from all directions. It never stops. Wanting to break free is constantly on my mind, but to hang in there is also important.

Then there’s the addiction to the technology, and the candy covered luxuries of civilization and easy living. All of this binds the Human Spirit. It’s creating a feeling of helplessness, and weakness. It’s a feeling of being caged in, and starved.

These are my thoughts and feelings for the moment. The more I dwell on them, the worse it gets.

Summer’s Ending

I took my grandparents on a little outing today in the van. They’re truck has been broke down for about a month. My brother and our cousin have been trying to get my grandpa’s truck running, so he can keep the business running. Things have been tight lately.

Today we went on a 234 mile round trip, and spent the whole time finishing a few chores, and enjoying the journey. We drove across the Arizona Strip on the way back home. Gigantic desert clouds blanketed the desert sky as far as the eye could see, and cloud shadows dotted the golden landscape.

What a beautiful world, a quiet world. I forget the simple things at times. Visiting with my grandparents like I did today, is a rare experience. The mood was beautiful.

It’s sad that Summer is almost over.

Camping Alone and Taking Risks

It’s true freedom when you go into the mountains all alone, and spend the night by yourself far away from any road or trail. We have some mountains behind our ranch here in Southern Utah and they are pretty isolated. I was in my late teen years, when I would often venture into them on a regular basis during the summer. I dodged a few rattlesnakes. My stupidity, and hunger for fear clouded my judgment at times. Always, I’ve had my eye on the unknown, hidden things lurking in those mountains. The Blue Sky against Mother Earth, and the smell of wet sage after a rainfall still brings strong feelings.

A canyon behind our rock yard that people call Braffits Creek, and is a very deep and untouched canyon full of rigid cliffs and a deafening silence. Only the small creek is heard and an occasional breeze disturbs the Quietness.

So I wander? What would happen if you persuaded one of those city people to spend the night alone in a forest of old Juniper trees? How would they handle it?

Every time I go camping in remote areas, I get an awkward lonely feeling, especially when I take risks. What happens if I fell, or broke a leg, and starved? A multitude of thoughts pass through your imagination. What happens of you died, and no one ever found your bones? That’s a thought coming from a country boy.